Are you wack in the sack? Slackin with the mackin? This post might just be for you! Now granted, I am not here to tell you about about to have/give a mind blowing orgasm… We can save that for another time. I simply want to discuss setting the tone for making love. As a  precursor to getting hot and heavy in the sheets there are a few things you should implement to provide a better encounter for both you and your lover. 

The art of making love is a very feminine experience. It’s all about evoking the senses. It requires you to get out of your head and into your body, which is the essence of femininity. Not to mention the act of allowing, accepting, and recieving a man into your body is submissive and feminine in itself. So, the focus is igniting each of our senses with the fire burning of 1000 suns to where as we can’t take it anymore and explode with pleasure. Now lets begin…

Sight

Starting with our first sense, sight. The reason I am starting off with sight is because 9 times out of 10 it’s the very first thing you notice. Looking around the bedroom… What do you notice about your environment? Is it clean? Does it say sexy? If not work from the ground up on giving yourself a clean, clutter free environment. The state of your place is the state of your mind and we want to be in the moment while we’re making love, not looking across the room wondering when we’ll ever put away the clean laundry.

Now that we have our clean space, we can talk about how to bring some sexy to our environment. The use of color psychology works wonders for setting the mood. My two favorites for the occasion are red and pink. Pink represents femininity, playfulness, and flirtation while red represents love, passion, and confidence. As a woman, there are many ways you can incorporate these colors into your bedroom. For example, you can purchase red roses, use pink bed sheets, paint your bedroom a nice soft pink. You can even go as far as to swapping out your light bulb for a red one. There are several studies on men that show red light boosts sperm production, increases testosterone, and stimulates sex drive. *wink wink* If you don’t go the demon route and get the red light, you can always dim the lights for a subtle romantic feel.

Okay, so… The environment is not the only thing that is going to be seen and checked for. The next thing is you! “How to be sexy” could be a whole separate post in itself. However, I will touch briefly on a few things that increase your irritability and increase his desire for you. Number one, just like your environment you need to be clean. With a nice clean foundation you can now adorn your body with elements that drive him wild. In lingerie, I suggest playing with different fabrics such as lace and chiffon. These fabrics are delicate, feminine, sheer, and drape over the body quite nicely to accentuate your figure. And yes I said lingerie! Lingerie is a total must if your interested in spicing up your love life. Remember to also utilize color psychology when choosing lingerie — and when choosing makeup. Thats right ladies, I said makeup! Nothing too dramatic, a soft smokey bedroom eye, and some pink gloss will do the trick… If you’re feeling assertive choose a red lip (click here for a lipstick that will last through ALL the action). Toss in some heels and you have a recipe for his rock solid erection. Thank me later.

Smell

Just as important as how you look, is how you smell. I don’t just mean spraying on perfume. I want to convey the message that, a women’s pheromones are excreted through the hair follicles. That means 90% of our pheromones are coming from the top of our heads. It is important that we have clean, fresh smelling hair. Black woman to black woman, we know we don’t wash our hair as much as we should because we don’t want to lose moisture. However, if you’re interested in sexy time and having that man coming back for more. Girl, you need to wash your hair. Then, we can spray a lil’ perfume. Make sure it’s your signature scent so every time he smells it, he will be reminded of you & your sexcapades.

Another thing about smells… Every man I’ve ever known has went absolutely crazy bizzerk when I lit a candle. To be honest it could be the dim lighting of a candle or the smell. Whatever it is candles definitely send signals to a man’s brain thats it’s go time. When choosing a smell whether it be a candle or perfume make sure it’s feminine. Choose floral and fruit notes opposed to woods and musks, otherwise he might think he’s getting it on with a lumberjack.

Touch

Lets talk feelings. No I don’t mean the emotional kind. I mean your sense of touch. Touch might just be the cornerstone of this whole thing. While it is not the most important aspect, because frankly mental orgasms are a thing… the more you stimulate both you and your partner’s sense of touch, the more pleasure you will have. Not only is touch one of our five senses, but it is also a love language of many — including myself. At this point you may be wondering other than a penis in your vagina, what other ways can you incorporate touch into your love making sesh. If you notice, a man will use your soft breasts and stomach… or even your ass as a pillow to lay on. Hence, men are attracted to softness. How many times as a woman can you say you wanted to lay on some breasts and some booty? Uhhh… Not too often huh? Right, because we as women are attracted to muscles, ruggedness, and hairiness. LOL

With that being said you can utilize touch in your bedroom by making your bed with pillow toppers, silk sheets, and fuzzy blankets. You can exfoliate and moisturize so you have soft smooth skin. Do not forget to shave, men typically do not like hairiness (second that lumberjack comment). If we’re talking about making love and not straight up f*cking getting your black blown out, we want to talk slow sensual touches. Typically, men do not last long sexually and women last too long. The way you will remedy this is by engaging in foreplay, which involves a lot of physical touch. During this pre-penetration act you can give each other massages, kiss, perform oral sex, amongst a multitude of possibilities. Get down how you get down but don’t forget the foreplay, penetration is the last thing both of you want when you are 100% aroused and absolutely can’t take it anymore.

Also, another way to add a little bit more feeling into your fornication is to *drum roll* break out the toys! This might be a stretch because some men are not open to this, or feel emasculated in some way. If your partner seems iffy about bringing toys in the bedroom, start off slow with a standard cock ring and see how he likes that. If that goes well, upgrade to a vibrating one, then maybe try a butt plug for yourself of course and so on and so forth… For everyone else, again, we’re talking making love… It’s time to use the feather tickler, or the melted candle wax.

Taste

Taste is a very easy sense to appeal to in the bedroom because come on now who doesn’t like food? Especially good tasting food. You can start this either before you get into the bedroom or during the act. Either way, I suggest an aphrodisiac. If you’re thinking about cooking dinner you can do a shrimp scampi with a white wine or if you’re in the act you can offer dark chocolate dipped strawberries. Another recommendation I have is a sexual enhancement supplement. I know what you’re thinking “Lai, I don’t need no damn sexual supplement!” Well, yes you do because who wouldn’t want to have more sexual energy, increased libido, and a wetter snatch! My favorite is the Kinky Kitty gummy. Unfortunately, I can’t find them online for order but there are so many out there. Try a few different ones and see which one you like the most.

Hearing

From here I know what you’re thinking, I’m going to say play soft music, play love making songs. And you’d be absolutely 100% correct. As a matter of fact here are a few of my favorite songs to play in the bedroom:

1. Trey Songz – Scratchin You Up

2. Chris Brown – Under the Influence

3. Brent Feiyaz – Trust

4. Jodeci – Freek’n You

5. Sade – Is it A Crime

6. Drake – Practice

7. Dru Hill – Beauty

8. Erykah Badu – Phone Down

9. Case – Touch Me Tease Me

10. Teena Marie – Out on A Limb

I’d like to add though, appealing to your sense of hearing is not just limited to the sound of music. It also includes your openness and communication with your partner. Speaking softly, slowly, in a low sexy tone will turn him on. While communicating honestly about what feels good and what doesn’t will teach him how to please you sexually. This allows him to be more empowered as a man and leads to a greater connection for the both of you.

Spiritual 

This leads me into the final and most prevalent aspect of making love, and that’s spiritual connection. Without a spiritual connection there is no love making, there is just meaningless sex. This is the kind of sex that men engage in with prostitutes or random one night stands. 

Although a deep spiritual connection will take some time, there is nothing that compares to making love to our partner, our lover, our best friend. It’s purpose driven, you want to give them pleasure, you want to express love, you want to receive their love. It’s amazing and as cliche as it sounds, it all starts with a friendship that grew and blossomed into something more intimate over time.

I hope these tips help you invite more love and romance into your sex life. Focusing on your senses will take your sex life to the next level. Making love is a learned practice that takes time and patience. By improving your love making skills you will add more excitement and passion into your relationship. What are some ways you spice up the act of making love?